


Like a Twisted, Bittersweet Victory

by ArcheaMajuar



Category: Grand Theft Auto Series (Video Games), Grand Theft Auto V
Genre: (I've written it before I've actually finished the game, Conversations, M/M, Reconciliation, Revelations, but I couldn't help it as I needed to write at least something with them...), kinda sweet ending, so there might be some errors related to it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 22:04:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20181448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArcheaMajuar/pseuds/ArcheaMajuar
Summary: “I know you’re angry, Trev, and… I know you hurt, but could you just listen to me for a moment?” he asked in a hope he thought was rather vain, but he had to start somehow. “I’ll be as honest as I can.”“Well, that won’t be much,” Trevor countered quite bitterly, but he remained calm.





	Like a Twisted, Bittersweet Victory

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my mother tongue as I'm from the Czech Republic. There are mistakes in the story, I know, but I just don't have anyone around to give me their feedback on the fic, grammar and so on (but if you'd like to let me know about the mistakes, please, do so in the comments or just send me an email (you find it on my profile page), it'd be much appreciated)
> 
> I'm really sorry for the errors, but I hope you'll enjoy this work anyway :)
> 
> And as I've mentioned in the tags, I wrote this fiction before I've finished the game, so there are probably some issues which won't be... on spot? I guess? I just needed to let the feelings for Mike and Trev out, and to be honest, I'm quite satisfied with the fiction. It isn't the best one I've ever written, it isn't the most thought through story, but I just needed to write someting with them.
> 
> I finished most of the story when listening to the song called Rapture by Tom Walker - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXIRFVnApZM which fits... at least a bit... the relationship of Trevor and Michael.

It seemed like he was suffocating in Trevor’s trailer. He didn’t mind much how dirty and overall disgusting it was for he got used to it after few days he had been living with Trev, though its confined space was driving Michael crazy. That wasn’t everything that was going on his nerves, of course, as he totally hated that the non-existing room in here was the only thing he wasn’t able to cope with because the rest of it? God, how quickly he became accustomed to this life… Taking care only of himself, not bothering with futile things, and just simply waiting for the opportunity to straight things up with Madrazo.

Well, yes, this matter was a bit stressing, but he knew that they would eventually sort it out. They’d always had.

On the other hand, there was his family which he loved, though they didn’t love him as much as he did apparently. He was well aware of his fuck-ups, however, it had never occurred to him that his blunders were that serious and shitty that Amanda would leave him behind. He wanted her and the kids back, desperately even, though he experienced that unexpected feeling that he didn’t miss them to such extend he would’ve presumed. At some point he even dared to muse over the unsettling idea that he wanted them back only to have an excuse to leave Trevor again.

Like he could run to them, turning them into his shelter that he knew even Trevor would respect. Wouldn’t like it, but he would respect it at least enough to let Michael go.

It almost sounded in his head like Trevor wanted him to be happy, so he would let him return to his family, Michael thought, laughing heartlessly and not willing to accept that his mad friend would be that considerate, though at the same time he knew there was something about that idea.

“A pleasant turn of events – seeing you with a smile on that crappy face instead of constant pitying yourself and crying over your shitty life and a family of the same kind,” made Trevor an entrance into the trailer, heading for the fridge.

“What have you said about my family, you moron?!” felt Michael the immediate wave of rage that washed over him, bringing him up to his feet. He was literally piercing Trevor with his gaze while the other man, as nonchalantly as he was able to, braced his arms on the door of the fridge and looked at Michael daringly.

“You heard me, Mikey. Or are your ears just another thing that’s all shitty and malfunctioning in your pathetic life?” he growled, showing Micheal his teeth as he was about to bite him in case Michael would be closer to him right now.

“Well, my family might be a bit of shitty, though I have one at least,” gritted Michael through his teeth, palms clenching and unclenching while he was pondering whether to continue this conversation or whether to leave, which would be definitely wiser, but he didn’t feel like being wise at the time.

“How dare you!” Trevor roared, slamming the fridge closed before he ventured toward Michael, halting just a step in front of the other man. “How dare you say, knowing I also had a family once! At least I thought I had one!”

“That ain’t the same…”

“Yes, you’re right, it ain’t the same because in your family, in your shitty family not a single of them would a bat an eye to sell you out!” he rasped, his chest heaving enormously as he was shouting so loud, and suffering under the weight of all the emotions he had never been supressing, though they were growing stronger and stronger day by day because of having Michael living with him now like the years ago. “Your son doesn’t care about you at all, your daughter thinks you ruined her life and Amanda… Maybe she doesn’t hate you, but mark my words, Mikey… For years she must be thinking she’d be better off without you.”

Michael heard his rapid heartbeat in his ears, the level of his anger rising with each Trevor’s words, but he didn’t move an inch. He couldn’t as he was so perplexed by how perfectly Trevor estimated the situation despite seeing his family only once since they’d united. It seemed surreal, though Michael was genuinely interested what else Trevor had to say to him because judging by the wild… wild but hurt look in his eyes… there was more.

He saw his friend was shaking, which convinced Michael to stay silent, which convinced him that this moment was somehow more significant for the both of them than it had seemed to be.

“They’d betray you without a hint of doubt, Michael, and you know that! You’re just stupid if you can’t see it,” Trevor spitted out, darting angrily from one Michael’s eye to the other. “And you know…” he poked Michael in his chest. “You know that I’d never do that. After everything you’ve done to me, I’m still here for you,” his voice reduced into a low growl. “Hell, Michael, I… I adored you back then!” he cried, eyes even wilder and Michael could finally see how much he hurt his old friend, how much he had always known he had hurt him, but didn’t want to believe it…

“You were my best friend and I adored you like nobody else in my whole life,” were Trevor’s eyes overflowing with feelings which Michael was well aware of Trevor had for him, but he was too selfish to care about them in the slightest. “I adored you, Mike!” he yelled at him again, “fuck, I even loved you… you ungrateful fuck!”

His breath laboured, eyes sharp and hurting, but before Michael managed to tear his gaze away, Trevor just shut his eyes and sighed tiredly.

“And what I got for it?” he said and opened his eyes again, looking bitterly at the other man. “A knife. A fucking knife in my back.”

And with an almost disgusted expression upon his face, Trevor stepped aside and headed out of the trailer, leaving Michael behind to deal with the said things on his own. The first thought that struck Michaela was that Trevor had never looked so defeated and spiritless like now, and probably for the very first time Michael felt really guilty for disappointing his friend.

Going weak in the knees, he sagged on the filthy couch again, staring in front of himself blindly. Out of blue he noticed how empty he felt, like… like he had just lost everything that mattered, but that he was supposed to feel right after his family departed, and definitely not now when Trevor… when… God, he wasn’t even able to think properly about the words he’d just heard.

I can’t believe it, he though for himself before he gritted his teeth once again, knuckles on his hands going white, though he wasn’t furious because of Trevor this time.

He was livid due to himself, due to that constant lying to himself, to everybody else… It wasn’t true that he was utterly surprised by Trevor’s revelation. No, he… he knew Trevor adored him, though he wasn’t sure whether it was even stronger than that, but… apparently… it was. It always had been probably so, and Michael now was able to see all of his deeds in a different perspective.

He still wouldn’t have changed it, but it helped him to understand better to Trevor’s wounded feelings. And it gave him that much needed final nudge to really start caring about making things up with him, because it… it just couldn’t do any harm, could it?

Michael sighed, but he had already persuaded himself he should reveal his past intentions to Trevor. To be honest with him for once even though it might lead to getting himself punched, but it was a sacrifice he was willing to make.

So he got up, and just the second he peeked into the fridge to grab some beer, a husky voice came from behind:

“Fetch me one, too, be that kind pretty please.”

“As you wish,” obliged Michael, and with two bottles of beer he returned to the couch, however, he hesitated for a second before he sat down. He simply didn’t expect Trevor searching for his presence so shortly after their quarrel, anyway, Michael didn’t complain, so he opted for seizing the opportunity to talk again to Trevor, not really apologizing to him, but to… just to sort this mess out. Bearing this on his mind, he sat next to Trevor, and after he opened the bottle and took the first gulp, he leaned above his knees, placing his elbows on them, eyes buried into the crappy carpet.

“I know you’re angry, Trev, and… I know you hurt, but could you just listen to me for a moment?” he asked in a hope he thought was rather vain, but he had to start somehow. “I’ll be as honest as I can.”

“Well, that won’t be much,” Trevor countered quite bitterly, but he remained calm. No outbreak of a rage, no blaming Michael for his betrayal, no chain of unrelated profanities. “But just a tiny bit of sincerity coming out your mouth would be something remarkable, so please, let’s see if you can speak anything else than a filthy lie. You know, with such amount of uttered lies per one life you remind me of an old acquaintance of mine, Hodd Toward. Anytime he would show up for a beer, I thought I was hearing the opening tones of Fleetwood Mac’s Little Lies.”

Despite the fact Michael didn’t pay much attention to Trevor’s babbling, the name Trevor had mentioned rang a bell to Michael, but he couldn’t remember where he had heard it, so he shook off possible connotations it aroused, focusing again on his task to come clean to Trevor. To a certain extend of course, because… because he had a family and… and he couldn’t just…

Was it even possible to follow his own heart after so long time he had spent by ignoring its voice? Damn, he probably had already forgotten what it felt like to be himself. Really himself, respectively Michael Townely, not Michael De Santa who had failed at his attempts to make a loving husband and a responsible father. He might’ve forgotten who Michael Townley was….

Blinking rapidly to dispel such thoughts, he cleared his throat, forcing himself to begin his monologue as he had already started to doubt whether it was a good idea.

“In the future, you’re gonna learn some even less pleasant things about me, my past, and my past plans. I’ve done lots of shit, but there was one entity I wanted to spare from all of my mistakes. My family. I hoped selling the both of you out would sort it out for me, but I… I couldn’t do that. I… I couldn’t see you slowly rotting in prison, so I… I orchestrated it in such way that… you’d die,” he paused because he reckoned Trevor to burst out with rage, but when nothing like that happened, Michael turned to his friend, eyeing him expectantly. However, Trevor was just fiddling with the hem of his t-shirt, so Michael, a bit baffled, continued:

“You were growing more and more reckless, I felt I couldn’t handle you anymore, and… hell, you weren’t even taking cover back then! It was a pure madness what you were doing, so it didn’t occur to me that… that it would take long time for you to get shot anyway. Moreover, I… I was able to justify my decision by that stupid, overrated statement that you’d die while doing what you love, but…”

“But it wasn’t entirely about me, Michael, was it?” Trevor intervened, voice laced with poison. “About showing me mercy as you put it. It was also about you’d get rid of me for good. Brad in prison, I in the grave… That was what appealed to you most about it… No skeletons in the closet that could disturb your content life as a perfect husband.”

Michael couldn’t argue with that, so he just shrugged and took another sip.

“Sort of… yeah,” he nodded eventually, not feeling like feigning his true intensions right now. “It was about me, about my family… about protecting them from my past self, and… Amanda made it clear that it would be you and Brad or her and the kids. I had responsibility for them, I just… I didn’t know what to do, so when I got the idea of killing you… I knew my betrayal would hurt you deeply and I wanted to spare you.”

“How kind of you, you sick bastard,” Trevor snapped, yet he wasn’t throwing things or trying to strangle Michael, which encouraged Michael to say… more.

“But as you said, it was more about me than about you, so when I got the opportunity to reconcile with your death in advance, to be aware it was coming… I didn’t hesitate much as it was by far less painful than being surprised by your sudden death,” he paused again only to look right in Trevor’s eyes, trying to sound as honestly as he felt it, “It may seem twisted I… I cared about you, T, and… if… if letting you die while doing what you loved, if there was a way you wouldn’t end up in prison… and still I’d be able to save my family and provide them with some sort of security… I too my chances.”

“And you can hate me for it, but I don’t regret it, Trev,” Michael himself hearing his voice going soft. “You’ve chosen this way of life, you’ve chosen being a robber, murderer, living on the edge, but my family didn’t. Maybe Amanda a bit as she knew who I was, but my kids… They didn’t deserve it.”

“Although that… that I don’t regret it… it doesn’t mean that I don’t hate myself for sacrificing our friendship. And Brad. I do, but probably it ain´t showing much,” he forced out a rueful laugh, “This everlasting hatred is a part of me for ten years now. I’ve grown used to it, I guess.”

The trailer plunged into silence. Michael had nothing he was willing to say anymore, and Trevor was, judging from his expression, lost in his thoughts and emotions. He didn’t speak up for another five minutes, but then he moved abruptly, sitting upright and looking fiercely at Michael, who felt the surge of fear spreading through his veins, he shivered, but maintained their eye contact even though it took all the courage he had left.

“That logic of yours sounds pretty fucked up to me,” he growled angrily as Michael had assumed he would. “And I don’t see why you said it all to me. What do you expect now? That I’d forgive you right away? Well, that ain’t happening as I still wanna see you suffer the way I did, I want to see you hurt like I did, I want you to feel like your best friend came to you and not only put a knife in your back, but also tore your heart open, spit in it and then leave it raw and aching and fucking empty!”

It hurt to see Trevor like this, Michael mused, but he was short of ideas what to do about it as Trevor was easily irritable, and almost everything could push him to even worse state, though… though Michael somehow didn’t care as he was being sincere here, and he kinda felt like Trevor hadn’t killed him yet just because of it.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me, I just wanted to come clean, to ease the tension a bit, so we’d be able to work together,” he said quietly, and feeling like having his heart on his sleeve, he added gravelly: “And also because I’d like you to stop adoring me for good. As you can see, I ain’t a good person, and I ain’t definitely worth of any… adoration.”

“No, you’re definitely fucking not,” Trevor nodded, licking his chapped lips as his eyes were darting between Michael’s once again like he was pondering whether he should bite him, punch him, or… maybe… “But I still bear that hope there’s something left of Michael Townley in here,” he poked Michael chest like he did earlier this evening. “That there’s still something in you that’s worth of my attention.”

For some reason, Michael’s heart thumped. He gulped as the rush of feelings washed over him, setting a tiny piece of hope on fire, burning Michael on the inside in a very similar way Trevor’s eyes were. Suddenly, Michael started to recall what it felt to be Michael Townley, slowly losing the façade of de Santa, slowly realizing the feelings he used to have for Trevor had never been lost. Just supressed, very thoroughly supressed, ignored, and now with this just a mere hint that Trevor might be willing to at least like him still a little, this deeply rooted self-hatred wavered, suggesting it was still possible to get rid of it.

“Yeah, maybe there’s still something,” Michael heard himself saying aloud, mouth dry when he chuckled quietly, “At least I still enjoy this life,” he added and looked around the trailer almost fondly despite its confined space. “The thrill of planning the heist, then snatching the score itself, getaway… Simply everything but for killing people.”

“Speaking of the devil, Mikey… What about killing your friends?” inquired Trevor, voice sharp and eyes alerted, and despite the words lacked any disgust, they pained Michael as the disappointment in them was preserving.

“I don’t want to kill you… anymore,” he managed to say, literally forcing himself to keep their eyes locked even though he hurt with the understandable suspicion in Trevor’s face. “There’s no point in it. I lived for 10 years without you, without robbing or killing someone and… where am I now? My family doesn’t like me, maybe they’d be really better off without me, and simply nothing is as I’d have imagined it would be… And your death wouldn’t solve anything.”

Trevor didn’t seem convinced.

“So everything sucks in your life for which you sold out your friends… And you still don’t regret a thing…” he murmured, before he frowned and barked out: “It doesn’t make any sense!”

“Not to you, of course, but to me? I know that I’ve done everything I could to protect them from harm, and yes, I’m angry, I’m fucking furious and depressed and bitter that it didn’t work out, but, hey… They’re alive. If that’s the only thing I got from my past decisions, I… I ain’t satisfied, I ain’t fucking happy, but at least it keeps me from ending it all.”

After another moment of silence, Trevor stood up, cursing while pacing in the trailer like a tiger in a cage. Michael was watching him, assuming Trevor was just overwhelmed by the things he had heard, which Michael understand as he also faced some emotions he didn’t know what to do with. For example, out of blue, he felt calm. Totally at peace, willing to accept any Trevor’s reaction as he thought he had said almost everything that his friend deserved to know.

“Alright!” Trevor cried at once, halting right in front of Michael. “Alright! I get it! But… But what am I to you now? What… when this ends, when you’ll be allowed to get back to LS… will you just leave me again? Or what?”

“I don’t know, T… It’s all messed up right now, so I can’t tell you what’s gonna be next, but…” something moved inside Michael, something very similar to the need for the feeling of companionship, and to… to the need to console Trevor, but no with some Little Lies. “I don’t… I don’t want you to hurt anymore. And to be alone.”

“I’m not alone, I got Wade and Ron and...”

“Yes, I now,” Michael just nodded as he supposed Trevor needed to say it despite knowing what Micheal meant by that.

“Arrrhhh!” Trevor roared again and made another set of furious steps in the trailer before he faced Michael. “You’re doing it again!”

“What?” was Michael genuinely surprised.

“What?! What you’re asking?”

“Yes, I’m asking what, you moron,” drawled Michael, beginning to feel slightly tired of their discussion.

“Again, you’re aware of how I feel about you, you’re making like you perfectly know me, maybe better than I know myself, but you’re still not fucking acting on it! Feel it and act on it, just be yourself!” was Trevor shouting at him, breathing hard and producing a frustrated groan when Michael only stared at him, baffled and not following. “Fuck you, Michael! I’ve said that I loved you and you’re like… you’re like…” his harsh voice trailed off, but then Trevor, defeated, whispered: “You’re like you didn’t want to hear it…”

And then it clicked. Michael wasn’t able to say why, but it did. The very moment seemed like something he had been waiting his all life without admitting it till now. As Michael Townley he didn’t care, as Michael de Santa he wanted not to care and he had to be forced to became only Michael in front of Trevor to see what he had been missing and stupidly ignoring for so long.

“After everything I’ve done, Trev?” he cocked his head, looking right into the eyes of his mad friend. “After we’ve agreed on there’s barely something you could adore about me?”

Somewhere deep inside his mind he was wondering what he was doing right now, though he couldn’t bring himself to stop the train on whose end of the journey he could eventually reach forgiveness.

Anger flashed within Trevor’s eyes, but it was shortly followed by determination.

“I still kinda hate you, Mike, I still want you to suffer like such motherfucker deserves,” he said truthfully. “but I don’t wanna lose you again for whatever it takes, so, I guess, I… can make it work. Somehow. If! Only if you’re gonna be genuine about your own feelings, because-“

Well, Trevor didn’t have to finish the sentence as Michael finally, finally made the final fucking move, let the voice of his heart to ring in his ears, and then he was kissing Trevor and setting himself free.

And as Trevor hesitantly opened his mouth, and almost, just almost gently kissed him back, gripping firmly on his shoulders, it felt like a victory. Like a twisted, bittersweet victory.


End file.
